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Epic Rap Battles of CoDz

Speedo Cola

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I'm back from da hood

Got rid of my starting wood

Ain't no one able to keep up with me

Now step back and see

My raps are off da chain cos I got rid of my brain

Been hangin with dem shady dudes

Now get entertained cos it's da game

I ain't got a name but you can call me master

That's your girl? I'ma blast er'

I ain't here to make peace,

That's a job for da priests

I'm here to spit dope ass rhymes

So perfect and loud like bell chimes

All you wussies peein' in ur pants

Cos' Scoldon is the one who rants

Now I call my homie Speedo Monkey on da street

I hope he's gonna take over dis beat

Cos Scoldon's gotta catch some sleep

You little wussies got your fed up asses beat.

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Speedo's back, and put this shit on repeat.

You can't beat me, only thing you beat is your meat.

My C-D makes your rhymes look easy, now bro leave me

The hell alone, or Ill go berzerk like Chris did to Rhi Rhi.

But I ain't done, Ima spray your face with a ray gun

I've faced none, who are worthy, they all spit the same stuff.

They suck, literally and metaphorically, its dang nuts.

This ain't love, only reason I don't call you a bastard, cause your my gay son.

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  • 1 month later...

I have to try this.

(Someone drop that beat !)

Hey speedo monkey this ones for you.

Open your eyes before you try and come at me punk

Learn how to drive, I'll send ya ass straight to the dump

Stop acting like you cool, everybody can see past that you actor

You bastard you, you liar you, you wack actor, look at all these factors,

You ain't gon' get any girls like this,

That ain't ya wish,

That was a garbage diss,

I might throw a fit,

You done made me nauseous like I just took a hit

'Cause that was the worst rhyme I've ever heard in my life,

But I'll eat you up like your family and pork fried rice

You ain't nice...

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Zombie, quick, come here,

Well damn son, I can smell your fear,

But I guess that always happens when I get near,

All you do is bump,

Old posts,

You only exist to post pump,

Bringing back old threads, they look like ghosts,

You serve no function,

Just drop the mic and be done,

Or if I were you, I would run,

Get your ass in gear,

And get the fuck out of here.

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 Somebody just got #Rekt...



It's you who serves no function,

Never contributing a thing

Your entire life just a malfunction

Contribute less than a pug named Doug who pimps like a thug

Walk out the door before I give you some more, 

Of this flogging, hitting harder than a windmilling zombie.

Round 62 health, hit me you whore

Because I'm so strong I ain't gonna hit the floor.

Now I'm out, running out of time

Show your face 'round here again and I'll be committing a crime.

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Sorry Naitrax but I can't Rap for shit............

But when I actually do it makes other rappers rage quit

I Got theories, I got series I got things you couldn't comprehend  

When I'm through with you, You ain't ever gonna rap again

Call that Rekt?

Well that is something you will soon Regret!

You see boy? I am bringing the Pain!

Gonna catch up to you faster than a motherfuckin Zombie Train!

But that's enough

I think I'm done, I made my point

Ain't no one gonna say I diss-appoint  

You thought you were the coolest Dog around? HA

Sorry Naitrax but Black Hand Smith has come to town..


( Throws the Mic into the crowd)

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Black hand smith?

You have a disadvantage

Ya see, nigga you're more inbred than a grilled cheese sandwich.

The battlefield, I command it.

You're a dumb man getting dam-aged. Soon with the same Hammer that TAMB got banned with!

To you other faggots

Takin dick in rubber asses

Discovered by masses

I am the king, leavin your corpse to buzards knashing

While your mother's havin'

A fit, I mean her way with me, man I love her her fashion. Uncover passion. Like I did, otherwise you're under average with sucker rapping.



Ps, the only time you explore a bitch is when that chick is Dora.

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Speedo Monkey? More like a Defused Monkey!

I've seen better raps spit by coke junkies.

With your Little Vest and your little boy bowtie

After this rap this chimp is surely gonna die

So sit back


And get ready for my next attack

When it comes to winning battles 

You are destined to be rattled

Cause when Smith is on the mic

You are surely mute and Baffled



Like the undead you will never get to touch me!


News flash for you Cause when all raps are Said

You come up with lyrics Slower than NGT finds Easter eggs

I'll beat you!

Defeat you!

There's nothing here to release you!

I'll wipe that monkey ass for the whole world to see

I'll stream it all in Glorious.....


Edited by Black Hand Smith
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Come on Speedo,

You think you can rap, but your lyrics sound like they're written by a homo.

Let's be honest, guys wish they could be me,

All I have to do is go up to a girl and say,

"Hey bby, u wan fuk?"

And next thing I know, they're naked and ready to fuck

Meanwhile, all the hoes in the club are wondering if you're gay.


Bitch when I'm here, all your words are null,

Everyone bows before me,

So please, join them, take a knee,

Stick around a little, and maybe I'll give you the key,

To being a motherfucking pimp like me.

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Bitch... Justin Bieber spits on his fans better than you spit a rap.

With pussies all around me, the only thing I can do is adapt.

I got this in the hat, it's about to be the end of Black.

Hand smith, his shit is wack. It must be a joke cause it gives a laugh.

Go die, if you hate on my bowtie. A goldmine of flowed rhymes can send your ass back to '05!

No lie, I'm such a sick motherfucker, Ill stick my dick in a hoe's eye, cause she won't cry! Now somethin's runnin' out that eye, oh why! Why did Speedomonkey make some bitch have to go blind!

Fuck you, fuck your mother, fuck your brother, fuck your lover, fuck all others, fuck that dick you get slick under the covers, fuck a walrus cause it has less blubber, than you, fuck your mouth cause it's a cock sucker! And fuck your parents for forgettin the rubber!

After all that I'm laying.

And after all eyes that I'm raping.

I don't wanna be forgaven,

Forgiven whatever, I just want no offence taken.

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Delta... Ill cut your head off like your internet connection.

Ill be bigger than a poke-head's card collection.

Confections of pussy is all I eat, and I cum stretchin'

Into your girl with my 10-inch, look at your tiny 1' weapon.

Is it the wording in this version that makes me more offensive than Donald Sterling?

More offensive than a young kid in the perception of an old lady cursing?

I'm working on getting your mother twerkin', meanwhile you're jerkin off

And squirtin the only creative shit in your body, me? I body enemies in person.

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Speedo, do you have some kind of obsession with cock?

From where I am, looks like you're some kind of fag,

Probably jerks it to gay porn, you best friend is your sock,

When you go out in public, you let your pants sag,

Lettin' the homos know,

If they want some love, they know where to go.

One day, I'mma show up at your front door,

Smile to myself as I knock,

Open the door, you'll find your ass laid out on the floor,

Head busted open by a motherfucking rock,

Go in the **** please report this topic, post ****, pour

Myself a glass, so I can laugh at you,

So fucking sore,

I think I'll go fuck up Smith, too.

Such a strange man,

Got an obssession with my mom,

Was a rapper, but all he had was one single fan,

Wish I could say it was his mom,

But even she didn't like his rap,

Said it was even worse than the crap,

Getting spewed out by Naitrax.

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Send me back to 05? This must be back where your Raps Originated! 

At least with Justin Bieber Women want to be affiliated

A chimp who claims to be the best?

I'l put that to the test!

There's only room for one to be above the rest!

Hey fellas! I think I found the missing Link!

What you think?

Must have choked in battle, Gone Extinct!


Your rhymes are a joke

So Bad they are criminal

They make Ghosts look so God Damn Original

So sit back down with your Doritos and Mountain dew

You don't spit! all you do is spew!

With me on the Mic I can't be attacked

I'll always return and now I'm....


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Black Hand Smith? More like Right Hand Smith,
Only thing you're doing is beating off with (it)
Your rhymes? Bleh, they so bad,
How'd they even let you in, what they fuckin mad?
Step aside bad man, Nai's about to take the mic
And maybe while I'm at it you'll decide to take your life
Coz I'm poundin
Layin on aggression
R-r-rapping so hard that ya feel it
In ya bones, be careful of my wrath
Beat you so fuckin hard you'll look shit
Yes, even more than ya currently do
All I say as I leave is a hearty fuck you!
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Did some one call the doctor.

You wouldnt guess whos in?

He wants nothing other than to have your skin.

9 and 3 to the 1. 1. 5

This is his **** please report this topic, post **** and just expect to die

Dont time a monkey bomb. power is just above it.

You'd think hes metallica. master of the puppets.

Your hanging from the strings and samanthas gonna love it.

Ludwig on his knees and Requix says suck it.

The butcher wants his body back

and hes not frontin

He a lunitic named


Its the end

That German

He needs a little help from 3 strange men

We cant win

Think again

Popin capps and a zap from no man land

Space station

Its a never ending cycle

Im going phyco

Kill random bodies is it wrong or right though?

Well hell if I know

stay up all night till

I understand the words of Takeo

Break the cycle

Shoot that rifle

Call of Duty Ghost my names micheal

This is the end

Only time will tell

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Did some one call the doctor.

You wouldnt guess whos in?

He wants nothing other than to have your skin.

9 and 3 to the 1. 1. 5

This is his ** BANNED WORD ** and just expect to die

Dont time a monkey bomb. power is just above it.

You'd think hes metallica. master of the puppets.

Your hanging from the strings and samanthas gonna love it.

Ludwig on his knees and Requix says suck it.

The butcher wants his body back

and hes not frontin

He a lunitic named


Its the end

That German

He needs a little help from 3 strange men

We cant win

Think again

Popin capps and a zap from no man land

Space station

Its a never ending cycle

Im going phyco

Kill random bodies is it wrong or right though?

Well hell if I know

stay up all night till

I understand the words of Takeo

Break the cycle

Shoot that rifle

Call of Duty Ghost my names micheal

This is the end

Only time will tell

[Requix proceed to extent his arm mic in hand and release it] [ThUnddddeeerererrr] Microphone hitting the floor]<-- lol

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  • 2 weeks later...


Yep, I recorded my reply, fgt's. The quality might not be the best, so here are the lyrics:

kill your connections like Delta's router
Like Monkey Bomb, covered in powder
Oh, and let's not even get started on Black Hand Smith
Little man of the hour

While you're typin' on your browser
Your princess in another tower
Sorry Mario, but I had to go a little Bowser

Naitrax, face facts
All you spit is lame raps
At least they rhyme though, unlke Delta, bet he blames lag
Way back, is how far we go, time to put on my Drake mask
I'll rip your spine out, bro, oh and no take-backs!

Oh to Requix, stop receivin' brain from Apafis
For every little thing, it makes Paradox Company look not-so-fabulous
Atticus Finch, should teach you how to be a shooter, it'd be miraculous
For you to hit the target once,  you fail at combativeness

Ej, I retraced
Your steps to the thread, better behave
Commentin' on Skype like you are better, want a replay?
Of last time, you could be Call Of Duty and still wouldn't be game

Let me rephrase it:
Whenever you try to rap, there's no chance it'll be great!

I knocked ZombiesBlood3 out the battle, never heard back from sheba project
Even Young Money wouldn't sign ya, even if you would eat a wallet
Bein' Honest, I'm more diabolical than the 1 fifteen in rockets
Launched from the Moon, you couldn't bring me back to my origins, even if you complete the process

You're not even remotely where I'm at, controllin' the battle, and roamin'
Unloadin' as many shots on haters, as Joltean's consolin'
Lyrically chokin' Scoldon as much as the blunts that Monkey Bomb's smoking
420 Adderal, shoutout to Delta, the SpeedoMonkey show is now open

First episode, Monkey Bomb robs a store, and right when he's goin'
Out the door he has a stroke, overdosin', his heart is explodin'
Next thing he's a ghost with Darth Vader's voice, and he's broken
Like the next episode that stars Delta, which cuts off right after it started showin'

And then Naitrax fights the aborigines over their wi-fi
Doesn't win, then MMX appears, arguin' online like
"Mario-kart's the best. Nintendo put in their time, guy."
Bein' played by Sheldon Cooper, givin' random internet stranger's faces high-fives

Oh and the Dancing Ray Gun, can't remember too much else about it
But if you think you can beat me, speedomonkey, sorry man I doubt it
Man our fight will be like Jay-Z in an elevator
You ain't gonna fight back, cause you respect the maker

Abide Speedo's code of conduct, aka my legislature
I bet a hater put me down, but try to ride me up like an escalater
Heck no, that ticks me off, and my mind's a detonator

I'll teach you a lesson faggot, and I ain't an educator

Speedo's hotter than coffee, better at zombies
Than you are, I could control the whole lobby
Woke up in a bugatii, surrounded by paparazzi
Mazerati, I karate you fake faggots and it looks like a tsunami

Dead bodies everywhere, killed by me and my posse
Headshots everywhere, usin' people's skulls as pucs in hockey
The bomb like Nagasaki, watch a zombie, while I adopt a nazi
That made more sense, than your street-walkin' mommy

I've been goin' in since he was raider, not typhoon poop
Demolish an enemy, and upload to my youtube
I'm in a speedo, ain't no freakin' one-sie girl
Haters get buried, start your mob of the dead, I die, rise again like Monkeysquireel

Brutus brutus, just like him you're a nuisance
It's stupid to battle me, just read dr seuss, red fish blue fish
one fish two fish, small fish huge fish
Well oh well, guess I'm a starfish, cause you're gonna lose this

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  • 3 weeks later...

Brace yourself speedomonkey its about to get rough

Not even sure if you can even can understand this stuff

see I've read all your petty raps and we all agree that they SUCK

and we also agree that the worlds had enough

I've been killin them zombies from first fuckin night

all the way to Brock and garys own,paradise

My raps will blow you away like the T-gun pack a punched

and I do believe that I do have a hunch

that if you think that you can do better than this

than seriously dude you are full of piss

Edited by ZombiesWorstNightmare
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Full of piss? Bitch, hate to be a dick
But you're a dick, and you are what you eat. Shit
Is goin' down, like you on zombies when the clip
Ran out, like the juice cummin' from your chick's clit

I'll high-five some guy's wife with a knife I, got off her husband when I shot him 9 times in a drive-by.
Likewise, apply rhymes to cut your tracks from circulation, turn your limelight to a highlight, like "bye,bye!"


I'm as unbearable as Call of Duty, when there's a cheater in it.
As unbearable as Family Guy, if they'd kill Peter Griffin.
As unbearable, as gettin' stalked by fat, greasy, eager women
And right when you hit the bathroom, find your freakin' weiner missin'.
I confess it. I got arrested, because I molested a depressed kid, grabbed her left tit, and what I did next, left her pregnant. 
When I got the message, I found she was at the Twin Towers, so I hijacked a plane in plain site, she never knew the jet hit. 9/11 

Don't ever under-estimate the monkey in a speedo
I'll have people rewindin' again, like shit on Tevo
You ain't in control of me bitch, so drop the remote
Controller, you would've died anyways, like everytime you reload.
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Now you better prepare for the tears is bout to fall

you'd think id be dead but I'm survivin it all

you wish I ate dick but,you've took them all

and shoved them up your ass crack with

your wack raps and your double tap

root beer

ZWNs here bitch to kill them all

your clips still full when you take the fall

to the ground all around zombies wish they can touch me

but instead they settle for you and your gaped ass pussy

don't ever think you go against me cause I'll slay you like

the wunderwffe on call of duty Z

Edited by ZombiesWorstNightmare
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Psh... Yeah, right, I care...
Bitch a 6 year old little girl is the only person you cause nightmares
I'm an under-dog,
But you can't shock me, with that wunderwaffe

Bitch, you have no brains, must be a thin zombie
Meanwhile I get brain, and cause accidents like Benghazi
I go by M-Possi', or M-Possible, just look at your chick's laundry
She had me cum over and repair some things, she said you were as appealing as Mitt Romney

I ain't no troll, guy.
How come you don't spit multi's?

I can hold my, nuts, 
And still be sharper than you, you're like a dull knife

So, you're gonna kill them all?
I'ma have my ill pen, stall, you till the buildin' falls
I'm dealin' raw, lines for this beef, and I'm GRILL'in ya'll
Get it? Unlike you, I'm too screwed in the head, to be a drilled-in fraud.

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Speedo I'm toying with you like Sam and her dollies

I'm bout to send your punk ass runnin back to your mommy

spittin lame raps must be your hobby

you think your slick

but your just a tiny little flea

so don't ever think you can outrap me

you say I have the appeal of mitt romney

but your have the appeal of a fuckin dead zombie

your raps are like a crawler

cute but half hearted

while my raps are like the panzer soldat always on attack mode

now while your collecting your thoughts

for another lame ass attack

I will conclude that you cannot possibly top that

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