This will probably be very awkward for me and you,who are reading this,since I am not an active member whatsoever,simply because I don't have the guts to make a topic and if I do,I just discover that someone already made the same/similar one already.
But I figured,that I give this a shot,since I am in a pretty desperate need for help.
I have suffered from depression for the last almost four years and I never told anyone,or really showed it for the first two. But at some point it just got so bad,that I had to tell it to my girlfriend,I told her every single little detail,what thoughts are in my head,how I feel about myself,what I am scared of,that I am pretty broken...litellary everything. She said that she didn't really know how to help me,so she offered me to go to a therpist and that she would go with me,so we went to that therapist two weeks later and the first two sessions went pretty well,mainly because my girlfriend was with me,because I am not too good at that whole q&a game. After the seconed session the therapist said,that she wanted,that my girlfriend doesn't come with me anymore,we both agreed and the next three sessions,she treated me like a mentally challenged child. Needless to say,that I didn't want to go there anymore,so I didn't.
Then two years ago,the last year of my school started and pretty much,out of the blue, I was supposed to know,what I wanted to do with my life,if I wanted to go get a job or if I wanted to go to a college (it isn't called college in Germany,but it's pretty much the same level,I guess...I dunno)as you can guess,I didn't have a clue whatsoever,never really thought about it,since I had my hands/brain full,with not killing myself,the two years before that. So they told me to think about it,but I never discovered anything,I wanted to do for the rest of my life. So I pretty much finished school and had to say goodbye to the people I've known for four years,which I couldn't handle so it just got worse from that point on.
Fast forward to the end of the summer break,last year.
So,I had to go to a college and I tried it for one week and it didn't go well. I've been bullied (because I have a walking disorder,which isn't that bad...I just walk a bit strange) and I just felt lost in general. So i told my mother,who never helped me in any form and doesn't give a crap about me,that I can't do that and that I need help,so we went to a doctor,who said,that I should go to a psychiatry for children (young and old). I said "ok" and so did my mother,but as soon as we got home,she said that she wont let me go there. So I've been stuck at home for five months,until I got myself somewhat together (six months ago) and went to the therapist from two years earlier,I told her that I need help about myself and that I would appreciate it,if she could help me finding something to do with my life.
Now,after six months, I still feel like a useless piece of sh*t,just like 4 years ago and tomorrow I am supposed to call a school for mentally ill young people and I don't know what to think about that.
Now you may ask yourself,why do I tell you this,because I don't have any real friends,just the ones you joke around with. And I can't talk about this with my familly and since there are a lot of friendly people around here,I figured that I atleast could ask for an advice.
So if you bothered to read all of this and want to help me,I would kindly apreciate it.
And sorry for my terrible english.