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About Steelie

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  • Birthday 10/31/1996

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  1. Happy birthday The Meh! I'm a little late, but I hope you're having a good time!
  2. Thanks for you kind words Lenne, it means a lot to me! I guess that there really was no way for them to get a happy ending, was there ;v; I think I was just hoping too much in the end? Maybe. Jug by default really has bothered me as well. I've heard here and there that the community really wasn't happy with it either, but I haven't kept up so much until now. I also have a lingering feeling that BO3 set the bar almost too high for BO4.
  3. Before I start, there's a TL;DR at the end! This post as I'm writing this has gone through many, many different iterations by now already, in a very crisscrossy fashion as well. So if it's confusing at some points or if I don't make too much sense, it's because I've moved a bunch of things around as I wrote the whole thing. On another note, this has also most likely been discussed to death by all of you here already as well, but I just needed to get it out and sort my feelings. It has taken me quite some time to finally realize and come to terms with how I really feel about BO4, but here I am. Oh, I also really really hope that I'm not coming across as some kid having an angry temper tantrum. That's not my intention. It's more me trying to unload a bit as said previously, and also a little bit to try and get my perspective across. So let's first start with some positive aspects that I like about BO4. I love that you can already see in the lobby who you're playing as, it sure as hell keeps my picky ass's round average higher than 1 because of constant resetting [laughs]. If I'll ever play BO4 again, that is. I kinda uninstalled it because I needed space and was never playing it anyway, and I never reinstalled it again. BUT I also like that you can take bots with you! As a very, very average-to-bad solo player having bots with you can be pretty damn helpful. And of course the easter egg songs. My god I Am The Well is amazing. I'll get to the others in time, but I'm not done with that one yet. I've also been debating about making a post about my impressions of the lyrics because I think about them a lot, if anyone is up for that feel free to let me know. But. To be completely honest, beyond that? I never liked BO4 from the get go. At first I was thinking that hey, maybe I just had to get used to it. But I know now that was never the case. I just. Don't like BO4. At all. For ME the whole game has been nothing but letdown after letdown. Maybe I expected BO3 too much, but man. No story mode, a battle royal instead. Hop right onto the parade, why don't you? I still love the BO3 story to death, (something I haven't seen with other players at all really, am I the only one?) and I really hoped for another amazing story. That was the first letdown for me. I don't play games online, ESPECIALLY not CoD games. My god people on there are toxic assholes. Doesn't do the already crippling social anxiety well :^( Okay I'm mildly joking but I AM scared of playing online, mostly with CoD. And I never liked battle royales in the first place. So having 2 out of 3 game modes be online multiplayer was the first letdown. The second letdown for me was well, zombies. Having nothing really else to play (which is okay, I bought BO3 and DLC JUST for zombies at first, didn't know about the story yet back then) I went there and hooo boy. I thought the visuals were very nice, as far as I played it. I loved the way the magic items look on Voyage, I remember there being a chest that really stood out to me and it looked amazing. But the rest is what I really tripped over. Literally everything changed. You have to select 4 perks, and that's all you'll get. Jug is implemented from the start, as well (which to be honest is not necessarily a bad thing). Also name changes? Where'd that come from? It all just kinda confused me more than anything else, really. I also saw that the A.I. of the zombies is kinda wacky, and that you apparently spawn in with the Miracle Weapon™ of that map already, that you'll get Speed Cola from what was it, Pack-a-Punching a weapon 5 times? Am I the only one wtf'ing at that specifically or have I gone completely off the rails? And this is not me being like "chANge bAD reEeEE", this me just... genuinely not understanding why in the WORLD they'd be taking defining, iconic traits and gimmicks, which everyone knew and loved (most people anyway) pretty much out of the game. Again, I'm an average to bad solo player. There's no way I'm going to be able to Pack-a-Punch a weapon 5 times, good lord. A video I saw today about it perfectly summed it all up, if I may quote: There were fixes of things that were never broken in the first place. And then, the story of zombies. I actually started with this part in the first version of this post, and it was going to be all I'd be talking about @[email protected] Anyway, yesterday evening as of writing this I watched the last cutscenes of the Primis and Ultimis crew story and it just... felt like a slap in the face? I don't know how else to say it. It feels like everything in the end, all of zombies, the whole decade of maps and story and whatnot never even mattered. The Primis and Ultimis crews ended up being the ones keeping the multiverses in existence, so Nikolai poisons and kills them all in a horrible and agonizing death while he and Ultimis Richtofen get "mercifully" shot in the head. End. That was the Grand Finale, everything that was built up towards over these long years. It feels awful. Seeing them all the way they were in that final cutscene, with bleeding eyes, foam at the mouths, all soaked with blood, faces all in pain, it was awful to see. Just imagining the pain and panic they must've felt as they died... It makes me tear up. In the end I just wanted to see them having won, having been able to return to their lives, knowing they had saved everything and everyone. I genuinely care about them, and I just wanted to see them happy in the end. This ending was kinda my worst nightmare, personally. And I know that I'm most likely too emotionally attached to the zombies story and the characters, and I hyper empathize with characters in general. Not just in CoDZ, but in everything. But CoDZ honestly has meant the world for me over the years from my childhood from now, as many of you will definitely understand. So I kinda allow myself to with this. But it was the most painful to see them get killed in such a disposable way, especially after the intense and sad deaths of Ultimis Dempsey, Takeo, and Nikolai in BO3. Those were ENORMOUS events in the story, such huge milestones. Kill the old crew and get their souls for the greater good, even if it tears you apart mentally. Those moments really impacted the Primis crew, and they all took it their own ways. Here at the end? They're fucking poisoned. Of all things, after all the fighting and other things they went through with Lovecraftian aliens and Keepers and the Shadowman and Dr. Monty and four different multiverses, it's fucking. Poison. That does them in. You get what I mean? The whole thing just felt rushed as hell and almost like a "Y'know what? We're just going to nuke 'em all, screw it. They're all dead now, show's over folks, thanks for all your money." It really felt like they didn't care. Not about the story anymore, nor about the fans. I know they do, it shows in the retrospect video which I'm not going to talk about because the end of that still makes me cry. At least well, I hope they care. But yeah, it just FELT that way. I get it was all most likely because of Activision making lots of budget cuts and sudden changes, as well as just wanting another cashcow, and that Treyarch did what they could with the immense limitations that they had. And I respect them for that. But yeah, in the end? Not gonna lie, it hurt a little bit. So, well, I've kinda run out of fuel at this point. I've been at this for a good while now, probably about an hour or 2 by now? Now for a TL;DR/closing note: I've come to terms with the fact that I don't like BO4, be it because of my own expectations or because of how the game is. And that's fine. What were huge disappointments for me might've been sources of rejoice for a lot of other people. And that's okay too. Not everything is for everyone. I'm not going to tell anyone off or anything for liking BO4 because that would be absurd, and I hope they won't tell me off for not liking it either. In the end I'm glad for having written it all down and for having gotten this all off my chest, I feel a lot better now. And of course a big thank you to everyone who read this beast of a post. -Steelie.
  4. The only spaces I feel like I can truly be myself is either in the car while driving (and grunting/singing), or in other tiny tiny spaces like the toilet (hope that's not TMI). I only noticed this recently, too. I still tend to be really self-conscious even in my own room by my lonesome (I rent a room in a house, so I do live by myself, but still have housemates), but mostly because I don't live in an actual appartment. At least I believe that's it. The walls and floors are thin here, so the housemate who lives below me can hear and feel me walking, and vice versa. I think that until I have a place that's truly mine alone, without any housemates, I'll keep having this. But it sure as hell beats living with my parents still, so no complaints there! I know exactly the thoughts and feelings you're talking about, friend. And they're the worst. They keep piling up until you feel like your head's gonna explode and you're going crazy. Though it's very good to let them out, contrary to how it may feel. I had to learn this too, and I had a tough time doing so. Really tough. Keep going at it though, with pushing them back!!! It takes a lot of effort and energy to go against automated negative thoughts, and to actively change your thought patterns!!! I don't have much to offer you besides a listening ear and some advice for the things that helped me and were taught to me. If you want it I'll give you some, but I won't force it on you by typing it out here and now. Sometimes advice can make you feel worse because you feel like you'd never be able to do it. But! In the meantime I'm always open to listen, at all times, for everyone, about anything and everything. Of course I totally understand that someone wouldn't wanna talk about these things with complete strangers of course, but some think it helps to talk to someone you don't really know, kinda like talking to a listening wall or blank slate! In any case, I'm still throwing it out there. One thing that's still very much in my character is wanting to help people in any way I can. It's very important to me, not because I feel like I have to or necessarily because it makes me feel better, but mostly because of my own time I've had in therapy. People listened to me for as much as I'd tell them, and treated me well and you know, like human being. They've taught me a lot about a lot of things, and they've made me connect and find my feelings again. I want to do the same for others, and I feel very strongly about this. Therapy can actually be found in lots of things, I've noticed! Talking, crying, singing, just being plain angry at the world, doing sports, writing, drawing, petting your pets, the list doesn't end! I feel like if you keep poking holes in offered solutions the therapist in question doesn't suit you entirely. But there can be lots of factors that count towards it. In any case, I hope you're not beating yourself up over it. And while it is a huge cliche, it's very true. Things will get better if given the time and attention, and effort. It means a lot to me that I can give others hope, as well ;w;
  5. Oh man this was posted a while ago, but reading the things you guys wrote actually made me cry, both because I recognize it myself a lot, and out of sympathy for all your stories. The whole yes-man thing, bending over backwards to please people, and shoving yourself into the background as a result, selfhatred. At the same time it also makes me relieved to a point, because when you've faced the world alone (or felt that you did) you never stop and realize that a lot of people deal or have been dealing with the same issues. I'm also still dealing and struggling with that, among other things. Those other things take kinda long to talk about, but I can kinda summarize it using two words, namely depression and trauma. The other main thing with me just has been not to be a bother to anyone. And I still have a LOT of trouble with this. I used to be so scared of being a bother to people that I just... never really started to develop my personality until about two years ago thanks to therapy, and started to avoid people. This eventually turned into a bad, bad case of selfhatred and... low points. It's not as bad as it has been, and I've made a lot of progress over the last two years!!! But I'm... still scared of people. I'm mostly terrified of angry people, if they're angry at me it's worse. Another "bonus" if it's a man (sorry to all the guys ;^;). ...And if they're drunk it's the worst (to the point of panicking, there's the trauma). But it doesn't even have to be when they're angry. but even still I often just... kinda avoid people??? It's been something that has been ingrained in well, my character I guess. Reading back what I wrote just now kinda makes me feel like I'm sounding edgy or pretentious, oh man. But at the same time that's a good example of the stuff I'm still struggling with. Just thinking those kinds of things, being scared that I'll be told (or that others will even think) that I'm trying to sound edgy or that I'm cringy or whatever else bad, it's something I'll probably never get rid of, as well as the whole being a bother thing, be it directly or indirectly thinking it. But I have also accepted this (for the most part). I have learned that while I probably can't get rid of it, I CAN learn to live with it. Of course I have my bad days, the days where I fall back into the old ways of thinking and doing, but I'm starting to learn how to deal with it, and to channel it into something better, and to work around it. Step by step. Fumbling steps. But steps nontheless! One step is admitting it (the beginning of this paragraph I mean), for example. It's still hard, but that's what the road to recovery is, right? It's very hard, with many ups and downs. But that's okay. I do hope I'm not unnessecarily tearing open old stuff, but this topic has really moved me. I also want to say thanks to everyone for talking about their problems which might sound weird I guess? But I know how hard it is, and I still think it's brave as hell. Hats off to everyone! I've probably never said it before, I don't think I have, but I'm always astounded by how nice and cool everyone is. Hell, I've never even thanked @anonymous properly for having nominated me to be user of the month once. It still means so much, and I feel like an ass. At the moment I was just really blown away by it, still am. I never really found the right moment to say it until now, and I'm sorry for that. But I still remember it, and it still makes me feel very warm and fuzzy inside. So again, thank you ;v; And well, sorry for being so late with that (I've actually been sitting on it for a very long time).
  6. Hell yeah I do! I still have a fascination with abandoned things, and I realized a little while back that there's a closed off abandoned section of a mall in my city as well! There's no way to get there anymore because it's an upper floor and they removed the escalators, but it's still wild to me that it's in the heart of the city (as other abandoned buildings seem to be as well sometimes). As for your story, it was a super interesting and enjoyable read! I loved the pictures too, would love to go there myself as well. You were very lucky not to have come across that guard though, I can imagine that there'd be a big fine for trespassing onto such grounds ??
  7. Steelie


    I had my first new year's eve at my own place, and it was amazing. I live right in the heart of town, so there were fireworks all around! Apparently there was a fight too right in front of the door (the house I rent my rooms in is owned by the owner of the cafe/restaurant that becomes a nightclub in the weekends next door so sometimes fights happen), but I didn't notice any of it, and neither did the friend I had over. I had a terrific new year's, and it was the first one since the past years. I've been through really dark times in 2016, used nearly all of 2017 for therapy and recovery (all mental stuff, nothing physical). For the rest of 2017 and all of 2018 I just spent time recovering more. And in september last year I moved out, and (finally!) graduated, so I'm in this weird but refreshing positive momentum. So to have such a good time in my own place was pretty moving, actually. Just thinking about how far I've come, and all with my own strength. That also goes for the friend I had celebrating with me. I'm proud of her and of myself! The only goals I have for now is to keep going with the recovery process, and to keep the good momentum going! I also want to go to college to get a bachelor's degree in game art, and keep learning how to design things properly, how to design characters and props and areas, the whole kit 'n' kaboodle. I want to learn more, and keep learning. I hope work will be going smoothly for you Lenne, and congrats on becoming an uncle again! And I hope that things will be looking up for you soon, Anonymous. Heartbreak is the worst feeling. Good luck to you both!
  8. I actually bought Doom for the PS4 as well! I love it so much, and how cathartic it can be to rip demons apart in the glorykills :^) I also bought the Hatsune Miku Diva X game for the PS4, I already had it for the Vita, but have been wanting to do the crossplay since I had my PS4. It's a shame I had to buy it twice for that (some games like Shovel Knight just give the game on all platforms), but I love the game too much to let that ruin anything ? I also didn't exactly buy them, but I took over Mass Effect Andromeda and the Ezio Trilogy from a friend, and paid for the food we ordered that night to make it even (laughs) Andromeda I played for a little bit on her PS4, and I remember liking it. The Ezio trilogy I already love, I'm on a quest to 100% them all, and already started on PC. So I'll finish Brotherhood on PC, and do Revelations on the PS4! What else... Along with the Miku game I got Rise of Iron, which is a Destiny DLC. I love Destiny, man. I love the areas and the character races, and Ghost is super cute ? ? ? And lastly I bought some new ship colors for my ships in Elite: Dangerous, they're pretty cheap and now I have wonderful christmas ships 8^)
  9. At first it was because it connected me to my old friend who introduced zombies to me in the first place. We'd come out of school and fire up his Xbox 360 and play Kino in Black Ops, always using the same tactics. I wasn't very good back then, so I always took the upper window at the start, and he'd take everything downstairs. We'd also do that for the second room, and in the main theater we'd always go connect the teleporter immediately and then just stand in it, using it when we'd almost get downed, and then we'd go back around and reconnect it again, and do it over again. Of course also getting perks in the process. It was simple, usually fast as well because I died a bunch, and it was very fun. It was the same for Black Ops 2. Same maps, same strats. There was safety in that too, I guess. I never had anything with Black Ops 2 since it didn't have the main 4 or other characters I really liked (I'm very neutral on the Black Ops 2 crew), or well, at least not outside of the DLC, which he never got. That's why we'd always play Kino ? The rest is a bit hazy so I might have the order of things wrong, but I rediscovered zombies a while later, I'd say like, one or two years later? The friend I used to play zombies with got other interests, other friends at school, and I didn't go to him much anymore. And when I did we'd play Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm. I never had my own consoles outside of a Gameboy Advance and later a DS Lite either, so I couldn't really play it myself. It was around that time my depression really hit too among other things, and I discovered it actually did have a lot more to it than I initially thought, and that it had a story. So I just dove into that, and I got to escape. I also discovered things like the voicelines being on YouTube, and those really saved me. I put all the ones there were of Demps on my phone, and listen to it at night when going to sleep. I could relate to a bunch of them at the time, and to Demps himself. I had a bunch of issues, including bottling up a lot of my anger, so much so that I'd get random outbursts of intense anger. So by then it was just being able to relate to Demps and the massive amount of content! It got even better when Black Ops 3 rolled around. I finally had a good gaming PC, so I immediately got the game with the season pass, didn't matter how bad I was or that I didn't have anyone to play with, I had to have it. I saw the new trailers, the Primis boys, and everything else, and I just... fell in. I also discovered this forum at the time, and made an account ? The easteregg songs also used to help me so, so much. So again, content. And that has kept up all the way to now, alongside my road to massive recovery. And now I'm also in it for the Black Ops 3 campaign, for Hendricks and Taylor and Demps, the massive amount of content, playing the game, nostalgia, being here on the forum, the Christmas songs (which I still listen to every year around Christmas time) and the other music... Everything, really.
  10. Few days late to the party but if I may be honest... I cried ^^" I just want the guys to have happy endings and instead we get to see them lose their minds, Richtofen reaching into lava to grab a stone, he, Nikolai and Takeo get breakdowns and get tortured by Brutus and Dempsey is being depressed and dies while crawling down a hallway. I legit thought he was going to shooting himself in the head at 1:34. Oh, and Nikolai let's himself be ripped apart by the zombies. And so does Richtofen (but with Nik we actually see it, and imo it's actually awful to look at). And Tak gets thrown into the sea by Brutus. There's so much going on! You couldn't have put it better. The one thing I love about these guys though is how human they are. This is after both Der Eisendrache and Zetsubou, the boys are tired and have been for a long time now, and you can both see and feel it. They all feel like giving up, they don't want to fight anymore, Demps, Nik and Tak are incredibly fed up with following Richtofen because he only seems to lead them into worse and worse situations. I have the idea the video gives a small view into their minds, so to speak, and a showing of the "consequences" of giving up here of all places. I do have to say that (for me) this isn't the first time we've seen the guys suffering. Dempsey's mood in BO3 has been seriously down since Zetsubou (in the story quotes this becomes more obvious than the normal mapquotes) onwards, and Nikolai had a really tough time killing Ultimis Nikolai as well. He had to get angry and be taunted by Ultimis Nik to actually do it. And I remember a few things having happened in the Gorod Krovi trailer, too. There's also the Memories videos in which the characters give a lot of their thoughts. So the suffering has been there for a while, but just not as obvious as it is here!
  11. Personally I love that you're able to change just about anything, and that you can see beforehand who you'll be playing as. I mostly play as Dempsey, and my pickiness has caused my average amount of survived rounds overall to be at 2.9 or so now if not lower ^^" I love that you can add bots too, they're good for racking up your levels I think because you literally blast through all the rounds, but at the same time it's also a bit of a problem. In the first rounds they immediately go after every zombie like bloodhounds, not leaving any for you. They also open doors and such and turn on the power, eventhough it might take them a while. At first I didn't even know where the second power switch was, they just.... Took care of it. So they're good to plow through rounds and get your levels up (and their chatter is great to listen to as well imo), but if you wanna use them to do easteregg stuff I wouldn't advice you to do it (Though they mostly follow you, and I've gotten them to feed two of the three dog heads, where's that third one anyway???? Can't find it, can't find the PaP either but I'll probably get there). As for the perks, I do miss them myself. Mostly of all Jug and Speed Cola. Mule Kick and Quick Revive are in there, at least, though you unlock Mule Kick way later, I believe somewhere between level 30-40? Not sure about that, though. Honestly I don't exactly get why QR is still in the game though, since it's pretty much built in now if you play solo. I like the idea of the elixirs, and think it's a pretty nice way of giving the Gobblegums a fresh new look. I think making them is a bit expensive, though. The tutorial was neato as well, I think. I always give it a whirl even if I know the game, just to see how they handled it, and I think it was great. The advanced tutorial is actually pretty good to learn about the new stuff, too. I haven't talked about the design yet and that's an entirely other can of worms, but if I may quote Dempsey: Ho-ly shit. From what I've seen of Voyage of Despair in the tutorials the magic items (statues, the box, barriers, all that) look absolutely amazing. The box is probably my favorite, I was blown away by that thing. I won't bore you with going into more detail because I feel that's an entire essay waiting, but man. It looks super cool. So td;lr there's a bunch of neat things, some quality of life changes, cool designs, but I miss some of the old stuff.
  12. The last one I bought is Marvel vs. Capcom: Infinite for the PS4, and the skins for Ultron and Jedah. I absolutely love the MvC games! Before that was Monster Hunter World, for obvious reasons I wasn't impressed at first and kinda lost interest because it's so different from the other games, but now I'm getting really into it again (and I wanna get the Dante stuff when the event hits)!
  13. I haven't checked out WW2 at all yet, but I noticed that all the languages named are from the countries that were involved in WW2 (except for Latin). Maybe that helps somewhere? I wouldn't know at all (I mean everyone probably noticed it), but this is definitely very interesting!
  14. You're very right, bringing them back would be a very safe bet and I definitely won't be surprised if Treyarch is willing to cash in on them a little longer (and I wouldn't blame them either, I would love it even, even if it would be a move a lot of people would probably roll their eyes at since the crew should be done). But again, nothing is exactly sure yet! This trailer turned out to be indeed a compilation of everything as RadZakpak mentioned.
  15. I kinda hope they will be, but I will also understand if they won't be of course ;v; The story is done after all! And @Lenne, I understand you competely as well! They've been around for such a long time, I understand very well that people want new characters. But thank you all for explaining that to me, I'll try to hold my horses making assumptions ;p

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