How to Properly Slay the Undead With Your Friends

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How to Properly Slay the Undead With Your Friends: A Beginner’s Guide to Being a Good Teammate

Hello all! Perfectlemonade here to bring you a guide on the simple act of surviving the zombie apocalypse with your friends. Yes, the killing of zombies is a social activity! And a fun one at that! Looking for an excellent, creative vacation that will surely lead to a lifetime of unforgettable memories? Well… look no further than visiting Call of the Dead, Siberia. Here you can slay as many zombies as your heart desires. An activity both bonding and physically enhancing, killing zombies at Call of the Dead will bring your family closer than they have ever been before! Just make sure to bring some mittens along with your trusty Wunderwaffe DG-2, it’s sure to be cold out there!

But no, let’s be honest. The killing of the undead is a wonderful, completely healthy social activity that all your friends can indulge in! But with the undead, of course comes some degree of danger. This is why you must know what you’re doing before you begin killing zombies. I’ve seen too many good men lose their lives to the undead because they assumed a solid K/D in multiplayer translates into being a pro at Zombies. This is, sadly, not the case. Killing humans is one thing, killing zombies is an entirely different matter. The going will be rough. Infuriating, at times. But at the end, it’s worth it. Trust me, you don’t want to be that guy that gets everyone killed when you’re faced with thousands of undead. Your friends will really hate you in the afterlife. So, if you’re up for it, join me on our journey to become a true master zombieslaya.

Part One: The Setup

We all have to start somewhere. This first part is the part where we all begin at one time or another. If you already feel like you have a general grasp of this stuff, go ahead. If not, take out your pencil and paper. You may want to take down some notes.

Buy The Game

In order to slay the undead, you must first have the actual requirements to slay the undead, said requirements consisting of a gaming console, a controller, a TV, an internet router, and Call of Duty: Black Ops. Black Ops can be found at your local video game relater such as Gamestop. This may go as a given, but you’d be surprised…

Find Your Ideal Zombie Slaying Environment

One of the most overlooked parts of being a good teammate is being comfortable in your natural gaming habitat. Personally, I prefer a well-lit room with a nice couch that puts me eye-level to the television. Some, however, prefer a small room—okay, let’s face it, a prison cell—with doors the doors locked from the outside, trapped in a perpetual state of complete darkness.

Okay, so maybe that’s not true. I just like poking fun at stereotypes. And gaming stereotypes are no exception! All of my non-gamer friends picture me as this social pariah that locks himself in a dark, musty room for hours at a time, while this is only partially true. I don’t lock my doors from the outside, that’s unsafe!

Anyways, you’d really be surprised at how a proper gaming room can affect your performance. I always find that I suck pretty bad when I’m not playing at home. If you’re having trouble getting into a niche with the game, try adjusting your posture, or maybe add on some pillows to your gaming chair. Usually, the more comfortable you are with your immediate surroundings, the quicker you will get into the flow of things and become ‘consumed’ by the zombie killing madness, thus making for a more enjoyable experience. These tips, of course, are general to gaming as a whole and certainly not exclusive to Zombies. That’s not to say that surroundings you are accustomed to aren’t extremely important to your game. In order to be the best possible teammate you can be, you have to be playing in your beloved ‘game room’.

Explore Youtube (And the Rest of the Internet!)

Having trouble getting the hang of ‘kiting’? Are you interested in learning about the specific maps and all their secrets? Well, invest in Youtube! There are literally hundreds of Zombies videos at your disposable on good ol’ Youtube. If you’re having trouble finding reliable videos—it is the offseason, after all—I have a few very, very good commentators that will help you out. They sure helped out me!

So first, we have Tom852000123. He is, in my opinion, the granddaddy of them all, and CoDZ is fortunate enough to have him in our community! That’s right, the creator of the greatest Zombies video ever, in my opinion, is currently a very active member on the forums! If you want to get better at Zombies, watching Tom’s most noted video—an epic visual guide called ‘How to Run Rape Trains’—is a must. I saw my skill increase exponentially after viewing this masterpiece. He showed me maneuvers I didn’t even know existed! If you are a beginner, and looking for a good, solid starting spot, Tom is the place to start.

Here’s the video, in case you have trouble finding it.

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Next up, we have TheRelaxingEnd. Some would call him the best Zombies player on the face of the planet, and with results like his, it’s hard to disagree! Multiple 300+ kill games in NML, including a world record game on PS3, I believe. 148 solo on Ascension, 7 on Call of the Dead. The list goes on and on. Often one of the firsts to discover groundbreaking kiting locations and strategies, (see below: ‘Call of the Dead Round 70: Birth of the VR11 Strategy) TheRelaxingEnd is one of the most highly respected zombieslayas on the net. Definitely worth the time.

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Finally, we have TheSyndicateProject. Yes. That’s right. One of the most controversial gaming personalities out there, TheSyndicateProject has wooed zombieslayas ever since the World At War days, while also creating a plethora of haters. Many of Syndicate’s achievements have become Zombie lore—most notably the creation of the term ‘rape train’ and hitting 115 rounds on Kino Der Toten. Though his channel has since become cluttered with Minecraft and Modern Warfare 3 videos, if you’re looking for a place to just chill and watch some funny commentary over quality content, Syndicate is your man. If you’re interested in exploring his videos further, start here!

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Now, there are other very good commentators out there—most notably Cjgarof, Yoteslaya, Matomaster21, Swask2, and MurkaDurkah—but, for me at least, these are the guys that really stick out to me. Content wise, they are the best of the best. If you’ve given Zombies a chance and still aren’t seeing the results, I highly suggest checking out the above commentators.

But Zombie-related content is not exclusive to Youtube. A quick Google search of ‘Nazi Zombies’ will reveal countless online Zombie guides, including the site you are currently on (duh) and the COD Wiki, a website made from user-generated content that people just love to hate. However, most of the COD Wiki contains reliable information and is, overall, a good hub for all your Zombie needs.

Okay, so that’s out of the way! Now, there’s only one thing left to do before you’re ready give Zombies a go…

Setting A Goal

If you want to be good at Zombies—or good at anything, really—you have to set a goal for yourself on day one. Difficult things like becoming a pro at Zombies may seem daunting at first, but setting a goal for yourself, with a clear destination in mind, will make things tremendously easier. Let’s take my goal, for instance. I remember, about this time last year, I began to get into Zombies. I was still having some serious trouble getting past round ten. I saw all these Youtubers kiting zombies as if it were the easiest thing in the world, and I gotta say, I was extremely jealous. I wanted to be like them. Pros. Legit. I wanted with all my heart to reach those coveted triple digits.

So what do I do? Why, set a goal, of course! I decided, on a cold, February night last year, that I would reach 100 rounds. Solo. And I would not stop trying until doing so. I tried and tried and tried for months. There were many moments where I thought I would never do it. I thought it would never happen.

I still have yet to experience the prestigious third digit. But I’ve been close. In December, I went down at 97 on Ascension. It was my first truly ‘high’ round game. I was proud. Okay, I was bleeding with pride. Like, if pride really is a sin, I’ll be on the first train to Hell when I die. But yeah. 97. It may not be all that impressive for some, but after raging for a little while, I got over it. And I was overwhelmed with this flooding feeling of accomplishment. Before I had this game, I thought of myself as average, at best. But after, I finally decided that I was good enough to be called ‘elite’. It took months of practice, but I achieved my goal, which was, I have decided, not to reach round 100, but ending a game and thinking ‘wow, there aren’t many people in this world that could do what I just did’. That’s the type of game that will change your Zombies’ career forever. I don’t know how to explain it… but you’ll know it when you have it. When you finally come to the conclusion that yes, all your hard work has paid off, because you have reached the Promised Land.

But enough rambling. It just goes to show that anyone—yes, you, Mr. or Ms. Reader—can go from a player that doesn’t know the difference between an M14 and a Thundergun to a player very capable of triple digits and beyond. You can do it. But you have to keep your goal with you, no matter how tough it gets. When you just want to quit and never come back to the game. We all have moments like that. But it’s the people that get through those moments that become something special.

Part Two: Getting Better

So… you’re serious about this, huh? You’ve found your gaming headquarters? You’ve done your research? You’ve decided on a distinct goal? Very well, then. Let’s get down to business. You’re field ready now, soldier.

Play Solo

Yeah, I know. Some people hate solo. OH EM GEE, it’s so so so so BOR-YING. How do you not like, DIE OF BOREDOM?! Well, Sarah Sissypants, I’ll tell you why. Solo is your training ground. It’s your practice before the championship game, so to speak. To most players, it’s where you spend time mastering the art of zombieslaying. For however many hours I’ve played co-op, I’ve played twice that solo. Besides high round (and I mean record breakers here) runs, there’s essentially no pressure in solo. You can do as you please. If you want to piss of George while zombies are spawning or spend all your points on the box, there’s no one stopping you. Though it may not feel like it at times, at the end of the day, solo is a hell of a lot easier than co-op due to the fact that there are countless less variables that can screw you up and end your game. You don’t need to worry about inconvenient traps in solo, or players running into your kiting spot (I’ll get into this later).

Now, that’s not to say that solo can’t hold its own, but this argument has been talked to death. If you want to get better, before you even consider going online, play solo. And lots of it. The only way to get better is to play more. So keep at it. Referring back to my previous section, set some solo goals for yourself. Some of my favorites are completing 20 rounds without going down a single time, or trying to hit round 10 without buying Juggernog. The last one is, in my opinion, one of the best, if not the best, judgments of skill in Zombies. Even the pros become incredibly lazy and start depending on Juggernog entirely too much. If you play a map without Juggernog and successfully complete a goal you’ve set for yourself multiple times, you know that you’re ready for the big leagues.

Alas, that’s a bit much for the average beginner. For most players in the infancy of their zombieslaying career, surviving is already hard enough even with Juggernog! There’s no need to complicate things further. Baby steps. If you can go five rounds without downing, you can go ten, then fifteen, so on and so forth. Solo is the ideal proving grounds for achieving these ‘mini goals’.

Solo is also a great way to try out new strategies. If you’re having trouble running a certain kiting spot (we’ll talk about the logistics of kiting later), simply migrate over to a different location and give it a go. I have a prime example of this. I’ve always had trouble running the stage in Kino. I know, weird, right? I just suck like that. Anyways, ever since seeing TheRelaxingEnd’s video using the lobby as a quick highround strategy, I’ve been eager to try out the lobby as an alternative kiting spot. And while it got cluttered until the zombies began spawning in faster, once I hit the mid-twenties, just like that, training on Kino had become a breeze. That’s the glory of solo. You can’t do that in co-op. You can’t just monumentally change your strategy mid-round. There may be someone else already running in the spot you have in mind. But in solo, you have everything at your disposal. Weapons. Perks. Every square inch of the map. It’s all yours.

So, if you want to improve to achieve co-op mastery, ditch the internet router and opt for some good, ol’ fashioned solo zombieslaying. Set some mini goals. When you’ve reached those goals, and you know what you’re doing, you’re ready.

**Author’s Note: I’m in no way ‘bashing’ solo. Solo is the bomb. I have a tremendous amount of respect for the solo players out there. It was what got me hooked on Zombies, but I just feel that co-op is more complicated, and is what I strive for these days.

Become Familiar With the Maps

Go on an exploration throughout the maps! You’d be surprised at how much you’ll find! Treyarch puts all these sly little clues in their maps, and solo is the perfect place to look for these clues. Moreover, you need to understand what happens in each map, and how it can affect the outcome of your game. Take Moon, for instance. There are so many things you have to know about that map in order to become good at it. There’s the air (or lack thereof), the astronaut that steals your perk and teleports you to really inconvenient places, the hacker, the excavators that will completely ruin your game. The list goes on and on. You’re hopeless if you don’t know what you’re doing.

Also, if you want to be a solid co-op player, you need to be confident in your abilities to run kiting spots alternative to the location you’re used to. I’ve spent quite a while learning how to run the 74u train in Ascension, because the spawn or lander spot may not be open every game. You must improvise, and you can’t do that if you’re not comfortable with the map. Know what perks the map has, what weapons it has, the special enemies on the map, etc. I assure you that, if you are not familiar with any of these threats to your continuance of zombieslaying, you will surely bite the dust. It’s kill or be killed with zombies hot on your tail 24/7!

So… please. In the interest of your game and your reputation, become familiar with your surroundings. I cannot stress how important it is to know a map like it’s the back of your hand. You will simply not be able carry your weight if you don’t know your revive routes or the best kiting spots. Besides, what’s there to lose? You’d be surprised at how much you’ll find if you just take an hour out of your day to go and walk around the map. There’s so much stuff to find. If there’s a solo Easter Egg, do it! Easter Eggs really help with going out of your comfort zone, and is a good judge of skill and patience, as patience is a HUGE component of Zombies. It takes true skill to hold down the power area in Moon mid round with dozens of zombies on you to fill up the soul containers. And who knows, during the process, maybe you’ll stumble upon a completely new Easter Egg. It could be yours. They could name it after you. How cool would that be? It would be really cool. That’s how cool it would be.

Furthermore, try to understand each map’s special enemies and what they can do. George Romero on Call of the Dead, for instance, has a hammer that deals an insane amount of damage. He also can really screw you over by shouting and stomping on the ground and sprinting all over the place (AKA HULK SMASH MODE or BERSERK MODE). Trust me, before you even consider playing one of the newer maps co-op, you want to get far enough so you can see what all the enemies do. It would really suck to get laughed at by everyone on your team when you freak out and ask what the fudge a fire zombie is doing in Shangri La. Just saying.

I seriously cannot stress how important it is to know these maps—and what dangers lurk in their shadows—like the back of your hand. There’s been too many good soldiers lost to the mud pits of Shangri La, the fog of Call of the Dead, the narrow corridors of Veruckt. Do yourself a favor. Learn the maps.

Learn to Kite

No matter how much you insist on camping, and no matter how fun/awesome it may feel, the only way to get to high rounds, to get that Richtofen status, is kiting, also known as ‘rape training’, ‘circle tricking’, or ‘conga lining’, among other titles. To put it simply, kiting is the act of grouping up zombies in a tight wad, then shooting into the horde with your weapon.

Now, I don’t care who you are, but kiting can be difficult to master. Even the most skilled players slip up from time to time, zigging when you should have zagged or something like that. You have to understand how to run different areas, the different strategies, when to drag out your horde or do a cutback. These are all vital to your success.

Why I’m saying this is because kiting is incredibly important to being a good teammate. More often than not, late in a game, you will find yourself having to ‘clutch’ a round—or, in other words, finish the round with all of your teammates spectating because they have bled out (more on this later on). This can be, to say the least, incredibly stressful. Clutching rounds, putting the team on your back, is where champions are made. Like a coldblooded three point shooter whose shot is true in the last seconds, this is a skill you can only acquire through experience. But in order to clutch a round, you must know how the kite all areas. And this, my dear reader, is where your hours upon hours of mastering the art of kiting in the safe, hospitable environment of solo pays off. Wow your friends as you dodge and weave your way through countless zombies, blasting them away with your weapons. As you start out, searching Youtube for tips on kiting throughout the maps (on a side note, make sure you’re confident with at least two different spots on the map you’re playing on, save Nacht, Verruckt, and Shangri la. You can’t get the A-Launch on Ascension every time), it may seem pointless and redundant. It may make you want to rip your hair out, to rage on the bullshiz traps that just weren’t your fault, but it’s worth it in the long run. To hear the stunned ‘OOOOOH!!!!!!!!’s of your downed teammates as you save the game for them… well, that’s a feeling that just can’t be given to you through any other media in this world. So do the dirty work. Make sure you know how to kite before you start up a game. Please?

Try Out Different Weapons and Perks

In solo, you’re the only guy out there. Which means all the weapons are YOURS. The Wavegun, the Thundergun, the Wunder Waffe—they are yours for the taking. No one will snatch your beloved baby gun when you’re alone. But that all changes in co op. Because, see, there are these players called ‘boxwhores’. They’re exactly what they sound like: inexperienced players that fail to realize there are other aspects to Zombies besides Wunderweapons, and thus spend every last cent of their points on the mystery box to get that elusive Wunderweapon.

When you arrive to the big stage, to playing with players that may either be better or worse than you, you will obviously be denied the Wunderweapon of the map sometimes. So you must improvise. You must go outside of your comfort zone, per se, with your weapon loadout.

Now, preferences differ between players. I can list off all these weapon and perk combos that I like, but at the end of the day, one man’s gold may be another man’s trash (see what I did there?). My favorite guns may be radically different from your favorite guns. Take the Python/Cobra. Even the characters themselves say they hate it. But it is a MONSTER. Get some Speed Cola in with the mix, and a good helping of Deadshot Daiquiri? A very capable zombie slaying weapon up until the mid 20’s.

^My baby :3

Of course, you may despise this gun. Or any of my favorites, at that. But when it comes down to it, having a reliable gun in your hands is pretty dang important. And the only way to figure out how each weapon works is to try them out, to get your toes wet. So give it a try on solo: set a goal (shocker, right?) to finish out a game with a weapon that you normally don’t see many people running with. And who knows, maybe it will become your new favorite…

Part Three: Co-op

Well, soldier, you’ve made it this far. Congratulations. You’re on your way to being a Zombies legend, playing (and hanging) with all the pros. Skillwise, you’re there. You have what it takes. But there’s still some stuff we’ve got to take care of first before you’re ready to go into a private match, set a world record, and show the world what you’re made out of.

Acting Appropriately

All too often, in co-op matches, we see a certain ‘species’ of player that ruins a game before it even starts: the stubborn, childish point whore. Yes, you know who you are. I have a minimal amount of respect for you, point whore… I should stop there.

Anyways, playing Zombies online involves human interaction (duh), so with human interaction comes a basic set of guidelines required to be accepted and even liked by your peers. These guidelines—while often unspoken—are vital to your success as a teammate. If you want to be a pro at Zombies and show off to all your friends, you must understand these guidelines.

So, Perfect, exactly what are these guidelines? Well, excellent question, Jimmy! Thank you for asking! While this unspoken code his sometimes hard to pinpoint precisely, there are a few things you need to know if you’re looking to be a solid, reliable teammate. These include:

-Buying doors when you have the most points

This one should go down as common sense, right? I mean, it’s socialism, in a way. If Karl Marx were gazing down upon our heroes and saw that Nikolai had the most points, and he opened up the first couple doors, I’m sure he would be incredibly proud of his Communist son. In Zombies, you must spread the wealth. You must become a single class, at least in the early rounds. You may hate it, but it’s for the good of the team. If you have a lot of points, be the mature one. Buy a door or two. It’s common sense, man. Those 750 points won’t make or break you in the long run, and if by the infinitesimally chance it does, at least you know at the end of the day that you went down trying. Don’t be the douche in the group. Put your greed aside and buy some doors.

-Be Mature

If you’re young, and I’m talking like below thirteen years of age, act like someone that is at least moderately mature. Don’t cry when something doesn’t go the way you want it to go. It’s not worth your time. Talk normally. Don’t scream, make farting noises, etc. into your microphone. If you do, chances are the person you’re playing with will never play another game with you again, and you’ll just make yourself look stupid in the process. And if you’re a teenager or older, act your age. Do you scream and cry in the real world, in front of everyone, in the public eye? No. So don’t do it. It’s human decency, people.

-Keep To Your Own Window (And Kiting Area)

If I had to wrap up all my frustrations with co-op Zombies into a single, tightly wound pet peeve, it would undoubtedly be that, no matter what, you do not take kills from my window, or walk through my kiting area without telling me first. This is the most infuriating thing in Zombies, for me. I cannot tell you how many times I have been forced into buying most of the team’s doors because some idiot won’t buy the doors (see above) even though he has the most points because he’s leeching my kills by taking my window. And don’t even START me on noobs blindly running into my kiting spot where I have 20 zombies on my a*s and acting like a broken monkey bomb, only attracting half of the zombies then making me get cut off from all directions. It’s just… rahhhh!!!!! I can’t stand it when people get in my ‘area’. It’s my place. If you need something, a go at the box if you’re out of ammo, or need to rebuy a perk after you get downed, inform somehow first. I’d be more than happy to adjust so you can slip through unharmed. But if you just barge in without any warning, and something happens, well… expect some payback. That’s all I have to say about this. MOVING ON.

-Don’t Rage

Downs happen, even to the best of players. It’s an unavoidable part of the game. No matter how you are, you’ll get downed eventually. It may seem infuriating at first, especially if you go down at an inconvenient time or place (talking to you, Tunnel 11 that’s about to get breached by an excavator), but, regardless of how infuriated you are, you must not rage quit. You can scream and curse—I find downing to be the only time to actually raise your voice in a game of Zombies—but quitting and thus completely abandoning your teammates is desertion. You’d be facing 20 years in prison if you just quit on your fellow soldiers in a real war. Plus, it makes you look like a douche and can endanger the entire match. Don’t rage quit, for the sake of your integrity and the game.

There are other ones, map specific rules (stop throwing your nades at George, Frank!) that I won’t go into, but most of this stuff is just common sense. Don’t be that guy that messes up everything by not buying a door or running through someone’s kiting area. It’s just not a nice thing to do.

Join a Clan/Find Some Teammates

Sometimes, random matches aren’t enough. Once in a blue moon, you might find someone willing to join you on a long game as you continue on your journey to leaderboard immortality, but for a vast majority of the time, all you’ll find are awful players that doesn’t know the difference between Juggernog and a PES. So you must take the initiative.

Find some teammates. Ask your friends to see if they wanna play some Zombies. If they do, and they’re good, then great! You’re golden! Your real life friends are just as serious about getting to high rounds as you are. This is a very, very good thing.

But, sometimes, your friends aren’t into Zombies. So you must branch out. For one, you can invest in the Teammate Finder on this site and, depending on your console, join Team Wunder Waffes or Team Grim Reapers. There are always other, smaller clans popping up across the internet, even in the off year that we are currently stuck in the middle of. It doesn’t take much effort. The Teammate Finder is your friend; use it to its fullest potential!

Another useful tip for finding reliable teammates is keeping in touch with randoms that you had good games with. You don’t even need to friend them—just write down their names somewhere, send them a message if you’re getting a game together, and ask them if they want to join. I’ve met quite a few players who I would consider really, really good at Zombies through random matches. It may seem kind of stupid at first, going into random games just looking for a good player, but once you separate the noobish 7-year-olds from the pros, you’d be surprised at how valuable (and fun) a good, old fashioned random game can be.

When to Revive, and When to Let Die

As I’ve already said, downing is a part of the game. Sometimes, it’s something that you just can’t control, that would’ve happened no matter what you did to try and prevent it. With downing, of course, comes some unavoidable things (under normal situations) like losing your perks and all zombies formerly chasing after the downed player now completely abandoning him, and going after the player closest to the one that is downed, if that makes any sense. Another thing that happens when you down is that you go into last stand. When you enter last stand, a short fuse (I don’t know the exact time. If anyone could tell me, that would be great) begins ticking. With each second that passes, your screen begins getting redder and redder. Sounds become drawn out and fuzzy. You’re bleeding out. After a certain time, your character ‘dies’ and you are forced to spectate for the remainder of the round. When the next round starts, you respawn at a certain location with nothing but a pistol and two grenades.

However, you can be saved. If you’ve gone through the steps and played solo, you’ll know about Quick Revive, which allows you to be brought back up after being downed. In co-op, it’s the exact same concept—except Quick Revive is replaced my actual players. Yes, that’s right, the players themselves can pick you up, give you a second (or third. Or fourth. Or fifth.) chance at zombieslaying goodness. This is called reviving, and is undoubtedly one of the most crucial aspects of the entirety of co-op Zombies. Reviving is a risky, unforgiving business to get into. It’s probably the most dangerous part of Zombies, in my opinion. Reviving leaves you vulnerable as you cannot aim (but can shoot by pressing ‘Y’ while reviving), and cannot move or dodge the zombies. So, in order to get high in Zombies, you have to understand the situations where reviving is the best option, or letting your teammate bleed out.

Now, in order to revive, you have to know your way around the maps, all the secondary routes you can take, where the teleporters drop you off, etc. But before you do anything, you have to ask the downed player where he’s at. Once he tells you, there should be a virtual layout of the map and every possible route to take to revive the player appearing in your head. If you decide that you can revive him, then go for it. Throw a monkey bomb, and haul a*s over to the bleeding out player, revive him, then cover him as he goes to rebuy his perks.

But it doesn’t always work like this. Sometimes the player is in such a bad spot that you just can’t go on a cross map reviving expedition. Take Shangri La. No one wants to revive someone that goes down in the deathtrap that is the waterfall. It’s suicide. So sometimes, you just gotta let him bleed out. It’s nothing personal, it’s for the greater good of the team. No one enjoys seeing a player bleed out, but you’ve gotta do what you gotta do.

Now, knowing when to revive and when to not can be difficult, to say the least. Your knowledge of the maps must be keen as well as your confidence in your skill. Reviving takes practice, experience. But there will come a time where you’ll be faced with a situation where reviving is necessary. No one can tell you what you should do—it’s just you against 24 pissed off zombies, and a helpless teammate begging for your assistance. I can’t give you much more advice than this. Just make sure you have your most powerful weapon out while reviving, make sure you have Quick Revive, and make sure you throw a monkey bomb. That’s just about all I have to offer. Good luck, soldier.

Kills Aren’t Everything!

I hate the scoreboard.

I hate seeing people have more kills than me. It’s stupid, but I feel that the player that has more kills than me somehow demonstrates that he is superior to me, that he could embarrass me in a game of Zombies. Yeah, it’s dumb, but there isn’t a single person reading this that hasn’t felt the exact same way before. It gets to my head, it makes me concerned about my kills. I despise it.

But I’m trying to change. And, for the most part, I think I have changed a lot. I’m starting to understand that kills aren’t everything. Really, it’s about luck with the box. Who gets the power weapon. That’s all it comes down to, really. No, what I’ve really started to pay attention to are revives.

Revives demonstrate selflessness and, to be honest, more skill than kills could ever be. Anyone with mediocre skill can run around in circles with a Zeus Cannon and blow away every zombie. That’s nothing special.

No, what really separates the good players from the great players, I’ve decided, is the ability to go into a dangerous situation with little to no protection, and come out alive—with a revived player running right next to him. That’s what the scoreboard is for, I think. Revives. That’s how you become great, and that’s why kills aren’t everything.

Part Four: The Promised Land

You’ve made it. You’re good enough to call yourself pro. Congratulations. But there’s still work to be done, soldier, before you’re ready to go down as a Zombies legend.

Realize Your Goals

Remember the goals you made, way back when you first began playing? Well, now is the time to realize them, to turn your dreams into a reality. You have everything to place: the skill, the teammates, the wisdom, the ethics. You know the maps like the back of your hand. And now you’re ready to achieve that goal, the one you set oh so long ago, the one that has kept you going and going even through the darkest of nights.

You should know, by now, that getting to round 100 may seem daunting, perhaps even terrifying, at first, especially co-op. But you can do it. It’s only a question of will you do it. Will you put in the day’s worth of zombie slaying in order to hit that coveted triple digit? Are you positive that you’re good enough, that your connection is good enough, that you can stay awake for this long?

Only you can answer these questions, my friend. And when you’ve answered yes to all of them… do it. Go out there and make a name out of yourself. Livestream it. Record it. Show it off. Make the true pros—TheSyndicateProject, Yoteslaya, TheRelaxingEnd—notice you and acknowledge you. Hit that infamous triple digit round.

And if you fail, so what? The great thing about Zombies is that there is no limit as to how many times you can try and try and try again. You can just keep on going. So if you don’t make it the first time, then okay. No big deal. You have the rest of your life to achieve your goal. But it’s not going to be given to you. You have to go out there and get it.

You’re at the plate, soldier. Time to make all the hard work you’ve put in pay off. Get that world record, get to the top of that leaderboard. There’s no one stopping you.

Play With Humility

By this time, you’ve probably reached your goal. It must feel good, my brother in arms. It must feel good to lean back in your gaming chair, look around, take a long, deep breath, and let it sink in that you’ve made it. After months of playtime, you finally achieved your goal.

But it doesn’t have to stop there! While officially, you could just give up now, but what’s the fun in that? If you’re a ridiculously good Zombies player, then keep on playing! Zombies is supposed to be fun—make sure you keep it that way.

Chances are, if you go into a game, and you’re now a world record holder, you’ll be one of the best Zombies players in the world. There aren’t going to be very many people that are ‘better’ than you in any given game. But you can’t let it go to your head. Your ego will probably soar, and that’s okay. It is an unavoidable fact of human nature. But don’t be a douche about it. Make sure, when you play, you play with humility. Just because you’re the best guy on the team doesn’t mean you can be bossy and look down upon everyone else. It’s not cool. So yeah… if you ever do wind up with a world record, please make sure that you don’t become narcissistic. It’ll help you make some new friends, as well as make sure that you don’t fall to the Dark Side. (YEAH I JUST WENT THERE)

Help Out the Beginners

So maybe you go into a random game, just looking for a fun, casual match, and you run into some new players. Being new, they’ll probably have some trouble getting the gist of things. This is where you come in. If you see a new player—a beginner, just as you were oh so long ago—having a tough time, help him out. Show him how the game works, revive him when he gets down, give him tips. You were in his position once. Keep the chain going. Make him fall in love with Zombies. Spark his addiction, and who knows, maybe one day, that noob that you helped out will be a pro just like you.

Well guys, that’s all I’ve got. Thank you so much for reading. If it helped, or if there’s anything I missed, please say so and I’d be glad to add it. Until next time, PEACE!

-perfectlemonade

[qwest]

Wow! This is the greatest thread I've seen all year! But I see you didn't use me as a kiting example. Wtf is up with that? Just kidding, but great tjreade

[piepwns]

It took me 29 minutes, but I read the entire thing! [brains] for you, I'll see if it let's me give any, if not, you shall have them tomorrow. Awesome job again, Lemonade. To give you enough brains as this deserves wold take a lifetime of waiting and spreading reputation.

[thestereoshoppe]

Wow. Finally someone wrote some common sense. Thank you . Very nice.

[Rageless_hobo]

Nice guide. Add me as a friend

[Ehjookayted]

I was lost, stranded in the desert, searching for an oasis of inspiration, and upon allowing my eyes to be humbled by this masterpiece, I have found that oasis. The poetry of your words transcends all my expectations. A well done guide, Andrew. You are truly a phenomenal writer.

[Superhands]

Masterpiece, that's all there is to say. [brains]

[piepwns]

Lemonade, I owe you a [brains] Don't let me forget it!

[anguscr]

[brains] More brains for ya! Really enjoyed reading this, good job!!