The Ultimate E3 2015 Coverage Hosted By Smith

[Black Hand Smith]

Dishonored 2 is revealed where little Emily steals the title of assassin from Corvo! She uses her Magical tentacle powers to climb walls and time stopping ability to dodge shit matrix style. The Magical Man gives her Spooky powers so she can be a cold blooded killer just like her....um...father, guardian, adult influence......Guy who Boned her Mother.

 

Bethelsda also Unveiled Fallout 4 where you can make babies with your wife. You wake up 200 years in the future with a bad case of Morning Wood. People try to shoot at you and the whole world is destroyed. You thought people got Excited Over blowing shit up in Fallout 3? Now people are ecxited as hell for Building stuff in Fallout 4!

And no...it;s not exciting as it sound but still...You can also get help from an old friend who just got a new starring role THE CALL OF DUTY DOG!!

Microsoft Revealed that we could Finally use our xbox 360 Games on Xbox One!! AMAZING....At least for the smart people who didn't trade in their Xbox for store credit. Like really, Who gives away games you spent years playing and getting attached to for a small deal?

RECORE Features a Metal Doge Who's BOMB BAD Thingy from star wars episode 1 can be swapped around to give new forms to your robotic friends! 

 

Ubisoft had a bunch of Black People trying to act cool by saying fuck this and shit that. They even tried to create memes!

However This year at E3 they not only stole money from our wallets....they also stole...our Hearts... Goddess of all gamergirls came with her adorable accent. Squeeeeeeee. MARRY ME!!

EA GAMES!! SPORTS!!! STRONG FEMALE PROTAGONISTS!! MOBILE GAMES!!! CLEARLY THE WINNERS OF E3!!!

Edgy Mirrors allows you to be Hardcore and jump from building to building all while playing as a strong female protagonist because if you play as a male you are a cis gendered mysogonyst 

ALSO DID I MENTION SPORTS!!!

HOLA ahora podemos jugar futbol con tus amigos en otros paises. Si es el mejor juego de 2016! Muchos Juegos para jugar. Esta Mierda es muy bueno y nos van ha ser ricos. Te los vamos a meter por tu papaya hijo de putas!

EA is not all about sports we also get a glimpse at BF3 coming in November. Where you can play as teenager going through his teenage drama as he rebels against his father because that's what all teenagers do. Parents are Dumb, they don't get it. Parents are Old.

Sony Did an amazing Job this year With Games such as The Last Guardian, A tale of a young possibly tribal boy who likes to scream japanese words like, 

HEROBRINE!!!

DOOKU!!

At his Horned Parrot Doge in order to make him do tricks.

Sony was proud to announce a brand new Original Game

Horizon: Dawn Zero where players fend off against robots in a future where cities are abandoned and overgrown with plants and humans on earth now live in Tribes!

 

 

Don't even think of wasting your money on Street Fighter 5. Next year we will unveil Super Duper Street Fighter 5 Arcade Edition Deluxe.

 

No Man's sky Promises us a Game containing Billions of Planets all with unique creatures and textures! Clearly this is a recipe for greatness. Now, if only we could figure out how to put this game into a 50 gigabyte download even though a game this size would take up a couple of terrabytes.

And of course the game we have all been waiting for....the Game that we have been wondering about for the longest time. Rumors have been flying around lately and we have not been able to confirm anything yet but today we can gladly confirm that... This 3RD Game is coming Back.... SHENMUE 3! A Game about japanese people doing Japanese shit in Japan! Best part of all this game will be fueled by kickstarter of go fund yourself! 

And of course, Sony Sucked Off The entire Activision Staff and we now have DLC FIRST ON PLAYSTATION 4!!! Thus Dooming an entire Franchise! But hey, Call of Duty was Dying anyways so Might as well make some money from these people right?