Cryptids gave my Attack dog A BEARD!

[Black Hand Smith]

Samanther waited in line Displeased. She has been waiting for her turn but there are thousands of people in line to complain about Call of Duty: Spooks. Finally she has arrived. Clearly She is pissed off that Virginity Ward Stole her name just because it was cool. Well, Samanther was Samanther before it was cool!!! However Just as she is about to file the complaint someone drops the F Bomb and Blows a chunk out of colorado, Unleashing Horrible Creatures known as the Craptids. The Craptids then Began to form Hives!!! Samanther wishes not to take part in another silly Storyline and runs away never to be seen again…...

 

A helicopter arrives in Colorado as 4 Brand New super Duper Original Characters hop out. Truly these characters are a work of pure art. These Characters are known as…..Generic MALE!!! GENERIC BLACK DUDE!!! GENERIC SOLDIER!!! and the most creative character of them all…..GENERIC FEMALE…..WITH HAT. As our new heroes traveled through the Hotel of Shame they encounter Spitter knock-offs known as the Scorpions. They then continued on as they eventually made it to the crater. They plant a new F bomb as they quicly race to the chopper. 

 

They then travel to NightVale where they bravely entered the Dog Park. However they soon discover a bunch of Ipods containing Exposition. A woman named “Not Samanther”  was working on decrypting and translating an ancient Alien Tweet from the Past. However due to the Breeder Escaping she was trapped! Luckily none of the Craptids seemed to care about her… “Not Samanther” Worked hard and finally found out the What the Tweet said!!

 

 

Truly Humanity seems to go through too many apocalypse these days…….The 4 fantastic heroes arrive just in time but “Not Samanther” fears for her career and shoots herself before she is forced to reprise her role..However “Not Samanther” realizes she has caught a bad case of Maxis-Itus!! In other words She can not die!! Just then Sterling Archer appears and kidnaps “Not Samanther” and takes her to his love shack so he can show her his giant Boat. Our Heroes escape and Kill the Breeder...Meanwhile “Not Samanther” Is tied down aboard the Titanic 2. Surely nothing could possibly go wrong…..and then the Kraken showed up.

 

Our Fantubalist, Wunderific, Stupedous Characters of the Year arrived at the Titanic 2 where they Destroy more Hives. Using their new versions of the Venom X they fend off the evil Kenivel "Not Aliens" back to where they came....MEXICO. What do you know? More Ipods Huzzah!! These new exposition Videos tell the tale of how " Not Samanther" has been strapped up and examined by various Scientists. " The Lambs archer, The lambs" "Not Samanther" Tries to act cool but no one seems to believe her. She then manages to summon her Craptid army as attack all the Scientists on the Titanic 2. Our heroes are forced to Gas her but "Not Samanther" has a trick up her sleeve. She is still infected by the Maxis-itus!!! She once again fails to die and escapes like Houdini!!

 

So the mission takes us to the earths asshole where we enter and discover a whole world down there. Sterling Archer is here in search of the Ancestors when“Not Samanther” Corners Sterling Archer and Cuts off his lonely night Arm. She then wants to make a deal. She will show him the Craptid’s Lair IF….. he allows her to get out of this stinking franchise once and for all. Meanwhile our 4 Amazing and Unique Heroes enter the world of the Craptids which looks a lot like that planet from Avatar. They cause destruction and Havoc leading to the eventual discovery of the Ancients!!!! Thanks to More Exposition our heroes learn that "Not Samanther" Knows what the Ancestors plan to do with the planet E-arth. They Plan to awaken all the Arks and takeover and shit. She Knows this because she got into a staring contest with one of the Ancients and Poof!! Magic Exposition brain waves. The escape was not easy but at last they exited the Cavern....Sterling Archer was dead and "Not Samanther " managed to get her little deal approved.

 

Meanwhile in California the Government somehow managed to pull an Ark out of their asses and they planned a trip to the Moon. Our Fabulous 4 heroes defended the arks so they could go to the Moon. "Not Samanther" was no longer important at this point so she collected her check and departed from our storyline. With much trials and tribulations the Ark landed on the MOON where it was then attacked by Samanther and her Undead army. Samanther was there first and then everyone died.... And thus the craptids overtook humanity…..Things were pretty normal, then got crazy but in the end they always win…. The craptids took the remaining humans and sentenced them to a fate worse than death….. They will be forced…….to wait another year until Zombies....

 

The End

 

And that is the end of our story, said Samanther. Edwardo quickly Slapped her on the head with the Staff of fire for telling such a stupid story. Truly Girls don't know enough about aliens either...

Edited June 3, 2014 by Black Hand Smith