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I need a break.


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Hello.

 

It is... March 30th, 2021. Approximately 928 days (just over two and a half years) since I was appointed a Dweller (then Moderator, later on) on September 14th, 2018. God, y'know, I can remember looking back fondly on that day, y'know? Just... brightly. The principle was off of a stressful post, airing my grievances over the course of the years preceding, and the years heading forward. It was... off of a lot of worry. I am very passionate about the well-being, freshness, and prosperity of CoDz, our lovely little abode, and... I was shocked that post was received well. I was shocked that anything happened or worked or was addressed. I was shocked about getting a chance to prove myself and try to participate in being a larger voice on a team after that point. I was happy, about that. It was... breathtakingly amazing. I'd like to say that the aspect still is.

 

It breaks my heart, however, that I feel as though I've lost such a feeling lately.

 

Look, I'm not going to sugarcoat. COVID burned me. Cold War's release burned me. Gaming's burned me out. My mental state has felt like a garbage fire since then, and I haven't known what to do about it. It's amounted to a lot of unnecessary stress, and it's bordered on depression in this latest month or two. This, of course, isn't unfamiliar to me - I went through these things over my whole tenure here, and dealt with them, grew stronger and happier - but the past year and a half has tested me. I've had no assurances that I've made many right choices. And... recently, I feel like I've been making all the wrong ones. Alienating people I don't want to alienate. Burning bridges I don't want to burn. Testing the bond between me and every other moderator and friend I've grown to have... and, ultimately, feel as though I failed the purpose of why I was appointed one in the first place. And it kills me. Deeply. It fucking hurts me. It's hit me so hard in the past that I've doubted my choices and place on this team. I've felt like I've wandered, and lost my sense of direction on it. I even went as far as drafting resignation posts at one point, albeit now realizing that leaving this role is NOT something I want to do.

 

This isn't a resignation post. Let me be clear about that, right now. This isn't something I would do. I know that I want to keep to my commitments in bettering this site, helping us reach this grand state, reach this vision I've wanted us to be at for these past years. But I know now, in this moment, that I want to do these things on the right frame of mind.

 

...and I know now, that I'm not in that frame of mind.

 

I need a break.

...and so, that's what I'm going to do. I hope that's understandable.

 

I'm sorry if I let anyone down, or have left under bad pretenses. That is not my brand, and I don't wish to do that, but... I, unfortunately, feel as though I've no other choice to make, what with where I'm at, in this current second.

 

Of course, I've made a promise or two before this that I wish to adhere to, before I go.
By the time I take my break, I'll be posting my final map in The Unity Series (so as not to leave @anonymousand @Carnage Evoker begging), and... during my time away, I would like to try to help where I can. So, on the Discord, I will encourage you all to @ me if you find a need, or if the Staff need me for an item or two (namely the Guides that I have promised to chip in on).

 

Other than that... that's all I got.


I encourage you all to stay positive and happy. As I've always encouraged of you. You always have been the best community out there. Keep being that.

 

For now...

...per aspera ad astra.

-The Meh

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Thank you - all of you - for your kindness. It's... helped. Quite a bit.   I've pretty much met my goal I mentioned in regards to having that map posted before I go, so I'll be taking off ve

Hello.   It is... March 30th, 2021. Approximately 928 days (just over two and a half years) since I was appointed a Dweller (then Moderator, later on) on September 14th, 2018. God, y'know, I

Stay strong, homie. You helped me through some tough shit with some wise words of wisdom, and I'll always be here if you need to talk privately at all through Discord or other means.  From one po

Stay strong, homie. You helped me through some tough shit with some wise words of wisdom, and I'll always be here if you need to talk privately at all through Discord or other means. 

From one poet to another, I give you my best regards. 

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I know few people who overthink their movements as much as you do Meh. Although I do not have experience in the state of mind you find yourself into, I hope you are alright soon. Always considered you as a good friend and seeing friends suffer never feels good. The only tip I can give is try to literally accept things that happen, including the negative ones. Just, you know, "Ah well, it happened... i'm still here". And don't worry too much, that's not good.

 

Take care!

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Do NOT apologize for taking time to take care of yourself man. Despite what you may think you owe us nothing and you need to put yourself first. We all completely understand, and if they don't, FUCK THEM, that's on them not you. The last year has been rough for you, based on what I've seen. It's only fair you take time for yourself, after doing so much for the community. Whether you think it or not, you are a valued part of the community and your doubts are misplaced. 

 

Get better soon man, but take all the time you need!

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Thank you - all of you - for your kindness. It's... helped. Quite a bit.

 

I've pretty much met my goal I mentioned in regards to having that map posted before I go, so I'll be taking off very momentarily, but... yeah, I really just wanted to communicate thanks. Y'all keep me going when it's rough.

 

I should be back soon enough. I'd pray before Season 3 - god forbid Season 4.

 

Cheers. ❤️

Per aspera ad astra, right?

-The Meh

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