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The Meh

to atone

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...I think it's time I come clean.


I love CoDz. Truthfully. I don't think I would be able to have moved forward in life and learned the things I have through it if I didn't have CoDz in the first place. In a way... I owe some people the life I live and the perspectives I hold to this day. Honestly. I feel as though... truthfully, I had started here a smaller person, a less secure and fragile person... and grew myself up from the people around me. In a way... I can't say I'm any more happy about that. I've written post after post after post after post exclaiming my gratitude, how I can't possibly convey it higher than I already do.


...it kind of hurts to say that it might be the problem, though.

I think I've used people. Honestly. I look back to times two to three years back, and all I can think of is how poorly I acted, how I leeched onto others for assistance and shunned and cast aside those that wouldn't see my way... and I never got to say anything to atone for what I did after realizing it. I wouldn't be surprised if a small number of people left CoDz from seeing how bitter a person I was.


...I can say I know some people that probably did.

I was vocal plenty about Voyager... and we've addressed it together. In regards to him, I'm glad to be on good terms again... but this post isn't about Voyager.

I want to atone for what I've said and done between two different people. Whether or not they see it, or care to read it... or come back in general. I would feel better of conscience either way. So... to @Tasha and @Slade, if this reaches either of you, and you get the chance to read this, this post is for you.


I don't want to tear myself up about it, though I feel it's probably already bore some claws before. But... I was a menace, back in the day, and never saw eye to eye with either of you. I gave you guys a bad mentality. I pictured both of you with a cursed, black aura. I read the things you would say to us in chat and in certain posts and looked down at it because I believed it was vitriol... slanderous poison. I thoroughly hated both of you... and had convictions enough to believe all my reasoning for holding that grudge was worth it.


But I was wrong to say or do anything like that.

You two were just people. People that were doing their best to reign in the kid that couldn't see he was doing wrong.

If this post reaches you two, I pray you don't see this as a baseless outcry. I want to instill meaning into each word when I come forth and say that... to all of this, I'm humbled... and apologize... and I'd have it no other way to be vocal and have this be in a post like this, public and all.


In a way, I want you guys to know that I've grown from the person I used to be.

...in a way, I feel like everyone deserves to know that same thing.


I don't ever want to be considered someone to deviate in a way that shames others. I don't want to ever see myself look unto others in malicious intent, or to leech onto them like I feel I've done before. I want to see myself different from who I once was... and I do! But I don't feel right to forget what brought me to the mentality of today... and I think, in a way, to atone for what I've done would help that. So, from the bottom of my heart, I'm apologizing to any that have been victim to that.


I'm glad to still be on this site each and every day, and could never be any more thankful about that than I am in this present moment.


...so... yeah.


I don't really know what else to say.


Per aspera ad astra.

-The Meh

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About Call of Duty Zombies

Call of Duty Zombies is a fan-managed gaming community centered around the popular Call of Duty franchise with central focus on the Zombies mode. Created in 2009, CoDZ is the ultimate platform for discussing Zombies theories, strategies, and connecting players.

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