Jacob Vickers

"Okay everyone, gas around"

* Sighs*

"Give me order!"

"The Doktor has a Christmas story your you"

"Ooh story time I love it!"

"Oh joy, I'm warm and fuzzy already"

"Feel free to leave Dempsey. Or kill yourself"

"Is that mistletoe? I suddenly feel like kicking your mounth"

"Where's my wodka? Where's my where's my wodka?"

"Nikolai put down that bottle"

*Smashes bottle and yells*

"Ouch, not there"

"I have a story for you that my grandfather used to tell me when I was a little, little, little..."

"Ah, it's like grandpa used to talk about hookers"

"Nein, it's nothing like that"

"I like hooker!"

"It was the night before Christmas, and all through the house not a creature was stirring, except for a mouse"

"I kill the mouse!"

"That's good Takeo, well done"

"The shotguns were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that Zombie Klaus soon would be there"

"Oh I love Zombie Klaus!"

"Yeah"

"Takeo and Dempsey were snug in their beds"

"What?" 

"While visions of murder danced in their heads"

"Murder!"

"I like murder" 

"And Nikolai in his 'kerchief, and I in my cap, Had just settled down for a long winter's nap"

"I be big spoon, you be little spoon, yeah?"

"Shh, don't tell anyone"

"Okay"

"When out on the lawn there arose such a clamor, I reached for my luger and pulled back the hammer"

"Ahahaha"

"Away to the window I flew without haste, Tore open the shutters and began to lay waste"

*Laughs*

*Laughs*

"Banzai!"

"The blood on the breast of the new-fallen dead, gave the luster of rubies all glistening und red"

*Sighs*

"When, what to my wondering eyes should I see, But a miniature sleigh pulled by filthy monkeys"

"Oh, I hate monkeys"

"And then, as I stood with my mouth all agape I heard the moaning and gnawing of those damn dirty apes."

"Because they have no honor!"

As I drew back the trigger, all set for the kill, Down the chimney came Zombie Claus, ahaha, what a thrill!"

"Ohhh!"

"He was wearing the flesh he tore from St. Nick"

"Oh!"

"And his clothes were all bloody!"

"Oh man this is sick sick"

"A bundle of limbs poked out from his sack, And he looked like a hobo, just having a snack"

"Like my brother, he is broke"

"His eyes were glazed over, his nose was not there! His cheeks were half eaten, but he had not a care! The drool from his mouth spilled onto the floor, And the stench from his carcass, I simply adored!"

"That's just wrong"

"The stump of a leg he held tight in his teeth, And he wore some intestines on his head like a wreath"

"Oh-hoh!"

"He had sores on his face and a distended belly, That shook when he moaned, like a bowlful of jelly"

"Like pregnant hooker!"

"He was deliciously gaunt, it made me giggle, And I laughed and I laughed, I wet myself a little..."

"It happens"

"A wink of his eye as it "popped" from his head, Oh how I love, the sexy undead"

"Really?"

"He's not well"

"He spoke not a word, and went straight for my heart, As I leveled my 12 gauge, and blew him apart"

*All laugh*

"Haha, Now we are talking"

"On the floor lay his finger aside of his nose, On the tree, like ornaments, were his teeth and his toes"

"Ohhh"

"And then in an instant, he sprang back to life, I threw down the gun, and reached for my knife"

"You need katana!"

"But up the chimney he went, as he gave me the finger, "Nein!" I shouted "you must stay, you must linger!" "

"No, come back Zombie Klaus"

"And I heard Zombie Klaus moan, as he flew out of sight, "Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-bite."

*All laugh*

"Haha, bit, get it? Ah fuck you"