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The Meh

Introversion, the Mirror, and the Castle of Glass.

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The Meh    76

So, this is a post that I've been contemplating creating for a long time now. Around the time of this post, to be a bit more exact. It's not exactly something related to my issues that I mentioned in the post, though I know that it's connected in a... particular sort of way, I guess.

 

So... to get to the point... for a long time now, I've considered myself to be an introvert. I've seen myself to be, in a way, antisocial and shy, sometimes finding social interaction difficult. Of course, in knowing this and admitting it before, I have become better, but... you live a way for so long, it's hard to change like that.

 

I think a part of me had known this for a long time now. I would go as far to say that plenty of family members of mine probably know of my introversion as well, and are the most helpful when it comes to helping me break through to a more social path... that being said, family's different since you live with 'em, and cousins and stuff are visited a lot over the course of life, but the concept's the same. Anyways... yeah. It probably isn't the newest thing for me or anyone who knows me like this.

 

Personally, I never saw my tendencies as a large issue... I mean, they were kind of an issue, but not exceedingly large. A lot of my introversion stems deeply to having Asperger's Syndrome... speaking of, GOD do I hate the new classification under "Autism Spectrum Disorder". Asperger's, innately, gives me trouble in social scenarios, and... well, as I've learned just now, makes me susceptible to having rather absorptive hobbies/interests (tells you how much I read up on things regarding me that are as important as that), which really does explain a bit on that end. A very behavioral thing, definitely... and it's certainly affected me in life. I've got what I'd like to think is a small circle of real life friends, perhaps smaller in regards to online friends both on Xbox and over Skype and CoDz. I don't go out of my way to talk to every single person I've got on my friends list over Xbox every day, I don't go out of my way to talk to someone I don't directly talk to as a friend unless it becomes necessary to do so, nor do I often use my phone to text a lot or send selfies or what-not (I don't get why people are so absorbed in phones in this generation, and I'm a part of it...) I honestly don't use my phone much at all, really just for music. I have what I'd like to call a very absorbed hobby in the way of video games... which does help, considering game design is something I plan to major in college, which is coming up soon. The same can be said for music, shows like RWBY, and other things. Given with all this, I've grown to stick around my bedroom more than I should admit, playing my Xbox, normally coming out to help out my mother with household things, meals, bathroom, and so on. Now with the inclusion of my new laptop (Windows 10, kinda love it so far), I'm back to sitting on this as well, typing away posts like this, watching a lot of YouTube (believe me, I do that on my Xbox too), and writing things, mostly regarding areas of The Unity Series, as... well, I am dedicated.

 

...well, I sound like a hermit now, don't I. I've heard the term used before, so I understand it. Frankly... it's pretty much true. I'm not much more than a hermit. I don't particularly like that, yes, but... not exactly the easiest thing to help. I'm hardwired to be this shy, somewhat-antisocial introvert. I was hardwired back at the beginning of high school, and I know that it certainly was a part of my depression, since I had these issues arise and all I chose was to let myself be alone and not seek some respite of help in a time where I needed it. I let what had become a darkening cloud with a spreading shadow enclose itself around my mind, simply because a part of me wouldn't let me seek escape unless it confronted me directly. Which... it did. Thankfully.

 

I did change a bit since then, though. I've grown a lot from what happened, and I consider myself to actually be plenty more social than I used to be. Same small group of friends on most areas I've mentioned, but I'm finding it easier to socialize now. I'm finding it easier now to be more open, and say things I need to say. I haven't broken my introverted shell, but I'd say I've definitely done enough to remold it.

 

So... quite frankly, what's to take from this? Why talk about this if I've done better with it?

Well, for one, it still affects me today, but also to sort of voice how a mind works in a position like my own, and perhaps help anyone else who may see themselves in a sort of way that presents itself as introversion. Quite frankly, I think a lot of people with antisocial or introverted tendencies kind of make this glass castle around themselves. It's comforting to stay inside it, but there's a mirror you find within it that only reflects the world outside its boundaries. This reflection itself produces somewhat of an innate fear. One likes to stay to themselves. They don't particularly want to leave the castle's protection. That's kind of the problem, though. The castle isn't safe and it isn't protective, it's only glass, and... unfortunately, in some cases, those who would throw pebbles begin to throw rocks, and the castle falls, until all you are left with is the mirror, still reflecting the world... though, now, you can see a silhouette, and it comes forward to reveal itself... and it's you.

 

...

The point I'm trying to make here is that, if you're antisocial or believe you're an introvert, it's better to open yourself up and try to grow more out. While it won't always work out and you may find yourself in a bad place, what matters is that you're trying. You're trying to be a more open, accepting, and overall more social person than before. It's a good thing, really. Social interaction not only drives the world, but humans have an innate need to have it in their lives. Even antisocial people, even introverts. You need to make the effort to seek interaction and break through into a position where being social isn't as much an issue as it was before. If that makes sense...

Look at life more like a mirror, y'know? I mean, it reflects you rather well, that's good and understandable, but it also reflects the rest of the world around you, and it is important to recognize that for what it is.

 

...whoo, I've dragged this post out... anyways. I would hope people see this for what it is. I've honestly had a harder time than I can admit to in trying to word this the right way. I've had to consistently think on the way I've grown to see this, and how I've seen myself over time. I wanted to cover this and I didn't want to mess it up. Honestly, I'm not exactly sure the analogies are 100% as perfect as I could have made them. Not that any post should ever strive to be 100% perfect... it's better to be as honest as you can be with what you've got to say. But... still. Tough post to do...

 

If you guys have much to share on the topic, share if you'd prefer. I wouldn't wish to force you to speak on something you wouldn't want to, though, if you wish to, it is welcomed.

 

Anyways, I hope you liked the post, and... well... per aspera ad astra?

-The Meh

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